Apple Inc rolled out Apple Intelligence to great fanfare. The feature set is supposed to provide the latest compelling reason to upgrade iPhones. The marketing campaign for Apple Intelligence (AI) includes a series of commercials that celebrate mediocrity. In each advertisement, Apple Intelligence saves someone from embarrassment. The click of an AI button covers up their lack of skills, etiquette, or concern. These people fall into symbolic but meaningful categories: the lazy, the unprepared, the faker, and the inconsiderate. I point out the flaws in relying on Apple Intelligence, or any similar tool, to save the day in these various scenarios. I implore you, dear reader, to do better. Much better.

The Lazy

In this Apple Intelligence advertisement, a bored and apparently unskilled office worker finally gets around to sending a simple email to his boss. Clearly lacking office etiquette as he spins around in his chair goofing off, we see his attitude shows in a barely literate and lazy email to the boss about a project.

The email begins “Dear J”, and proceeds with two sentences: “Been thinking this project needs a bit of zhuhzing. But you’re the big enchilada.” The office worker signs off with a “Holler back, 💪warren💪” (Yes, Warren fails to capitalize his own name). At the last second, Warren notices that the email writing tool includes a button labeled “professional.” Presto. Like magic, Apple Intelligence transforms the barely literate and lazy email into a swan-like message. Now, Warren messages his boss the following: “Upon further consideration, I think this project may need some refinement. However, you are the most capable individual to undertake this task. Please let me know your thoughts.” This time, the email signs off as “Best regards, Warren.”

Upon receiving and reading this email, the boss looks up in amazement at Warren. Warren celebrates his literary victory by using a chain of paperclips as nun-chucks.

What we don’t see is that Warren’s boss is so impressed with this email that he decides Warren should demonstrate his ideas by refining the project himself. After failing to find the professional button for project refinement, Warren slips right back into slovenly work. His “refinements” once again demonstrate his lack of qualification for his position, and the boss finally fires him.

Dear office worker, I recommend that you use writing tools to refine your writing, not do all the writing for you. If you find the AI tool is completely rewriting everything you say, take it upon yourself to improve your writing skills. At least consider asking AI to teach you some basics. Some actual skill and knowledge will help you in those moments where you need to communicate in real time with your team. Speaking of real-time communications…

The Unprepared

In this Apple Intelligence advertisement, a businessman gets caught off-guard when he is asked to present his assessment of a prospectus. A prospectus is typically a long and complex document, so a competent presentation could take hours and even days. However, apparently thanks to Apple Intelligence, a summary of key points generated in mere seconds can satisfy a conference room full of expectant colleagues.

What we don’t see is the number of times this businessman returns to Apple Intelligence to ask the follow-up questions he gets from his colleagues. He has no idea what is in the prospectus, so he is constantly caught off-guard and at a loss. In the end, he proves to his colleagues that they do not need his services. In the next meeting, he is replaced by Apple Intelligence, and the professionals gather around a MacBook to ask their critical business questions. After the business described in the prospectus fails, they realize that buried on page 94 of the prospectus was a key business risk that no one prepared for or thought to consult Apple Intelligence.

Dear business person, please be prepared. Business is serious business. Use the Artificial Intelligence AHEAD of the meeting to get the key highlights as a starting point for creating a presentation. Use the AI to compare your assessment with the prospectus and ask what the presentation missed. Ask the AI what parts of the prospectus need clarification and further research.

Speaking of not doing homework ahead of time..

The Faker

In this Apple Intelligence advertisement, two people sit down to discuss a pitch sent in an email. The pitcher, Rowan Puri, asks Bella Ramsey for her thoughts. With a casual scramble, Bella opens the email on her iPhone, reads the subject line aloud, and punches up an Apple Intelligence for an email summary of the pitch. Bella reads aloud the summary and inserts gratuitous commentary like “very Victorian, which I loved” and “I love unique relationships” to fake her thoughtfulness. Rowan notes that the unique relationship has a “twist” to which Bella promptly responds “I know. Because I read it.” Pleased (pleasantly surprised?), Rowan promises to tell “them” Bella is interested in the pitch.

What we don’t see is that the pitch includes a minor but objectionable idea. This point was too small to make it in the summary. Rowan included the point because she knows how much Bella hates to work with cats. Bella thought “Dogge Days” in the subject referred to dogs, which she loves. However, this story has Bella living with cats in the opening scene before the main plot takes off. After an embarrassing revelation at a subsequent script reading, the producers realize Bella never read the full pitch and decide to replace Bella with the director’s niece.

Dear aspiring performer, use the email summary to decide whether an email is worth reading. Do not use it as a substitute for reading the email. Doing so is like expecting crib notes for Shakespeare to teach you the nuance of English language literature in the late 1500s and early 1600s.

The Inconsiderate

In this Apple Intelligence advertisement, a wife completely forgets her husband’s birthday. That morning, she sees her excited daughters present their Dad with touching gifts. Greatly peeved and annoyed, the woman scrambles to order up a cheesy video montage. She types in “woodworking with kids” in the iPhone’s Memory Movie Creator. The woman emerges triumphant and proud of her ability to generate the gratitude of her husband after a mere seconds of work. Strangely, the woodworking montage ends with a beach scene.

What we do not see is that the husband later asks his wife to send him the movie. After reviewing it again, he decides to try out the Movie Creator on his own “woodworking with kids” pictures. After generating an even more touching montage, this time without a misplaced beach scene, he deletes his wife’s gift. He realizes in that moment how little his wife thinks of him. The marriage, already shaky, spirals downhill from there.

Dear spouses, if you forget an important celebration, just admit it. With a heart full of gratitude, congratulate those who remembered the big day and promise to do better next time. In fact, go ahead and ask your spouse in the moment what they would most like to do that day…and get it done post haste.

How Not to AI

In each of the above scenarios, unprepared and unskilled people use Apple Intelligence as a crutch. They each lack a moment of introspection to do better in the future. Moreover, each person appears quite satisfied with the various ways in which they think they have fooled an audience. These advertisements appeal to a desire to take the easy route, to be inauthentic, and to devalue human relationships. We are encouraged to substitute AI even in situations that require careful thought and insightful analysis.

I call this how not to AI. Instead of taking the easy route, instead of using AI to fake our way through life, let’s use AI to be better, to learn, to improve, and ultimately reach higher levels of understanding than we previously thought possible. After all, the AIs will otherwise soon run out of valuable material for their own training…

---